Terrified about Euthanizing my Dog Tomorrow

Terrified about Euthanizing my Dog Tomorrow

by Joanne

I have an appointment to put my beloved 14 year-old male boxer/golden retriever mix to sleep tomorrow. I cannot sleep, I am so scared. I don't know if I am making the right decision.

Benni started displaying behavior problems over a month ago. He was being destructive, knocking over tables and chairs, pacing, panting very loudly, shaking, and generally exhibiting signs of distress.

I took him to two different vets, both of whom suspected anxiety and prescribed prozac. After one month on the prozac, the only difference was that he had his "anxiety attacks" during the day and not at night. These attacks were hard on Benni, and would last all day/night (depending on when they occurred). He would sleep deeply for hours after. Even when he wasn't having a full-fledged attack, his breathing was still labored. He sticks close to our side and follows us everywhere. He tries to hide in corners.

He has lost 8 kilos (about 15 pounds) in the last 6 months. After the prozac didn't work, I decided to get a third opinion. I showed the third vet the results of blood tests we'd run for Benni a month ago. He remarked that Benni's liver enzymes were elevated, and requested I bring him in for an abdominal ultrasound. I did. The ultrasound revealed a 7 cm tumor on Benni's liver. The vet also suspected that it might have metastasized.

I refused further invassive tests, such as a biopsy. I think Ben's been through enough. The third vet said that there wasn't much that could be done to treat what seems like a late stage cancer, except palliative care. Surgery and chemo are unlikely to prove beneficial at his age. He gave me a picture of the tumor. I am still, one night before he is scheduled to be put to sleep, debating whether or not I should have gotten a second opinion on the cancer diagnosis.

The other two vets agreed that putting him to sleep was a good idea after the prozac didn't work, due to his ongoing distress. That was even before I took him to see the third vet. Three vets may have come up with different diagnoses, but the end result was the same: they felt that putting him to sleep is justified.

I however, am still a nerve-wracked crying mess. He's asleep at the foot of my bed and I am so scared for him. I am so scared about tomorrow. I just don't want him to suffer anymore, but at the same time, I don't want to be taking his life too soon.

Note from Hazel, Site Editor:

It's tough making the heart-wrenching decision to put your dog to sleep, and getting over all the emotions takes time and effort.

After my husband and I made our tough decision to put our 15-year-old dog Hana to sleep in August 2017, I decided to set up a Pet Loss Support Group on Facebook, called Pawsome Angels Pet Loss Support Group.

You are welcome to join the Group and let's start supporting one another!

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Dec 06, 2018
Support for Bailey’s dog parent
by: Anonymous

All I can offer here is support for you. This is such a difficult decision.

I had my girl, a Staffordshire bull terrier named Roxie, euthanized on Dec 8, 2018. Once I got her in, the vet was so supportive and verified that this was the right decision. I miss her all the time and sometimes think I feel her nose on my lower leg like she always did to get my attention.

Sending you love and hugs.

Dec 06, 2018
by: Doria

My golden girl Bailey has lymphoma and we are putting her down tomorrow and I am still not sure i am doing the right thing. She is having trouble walking and breathing is a little bad.

Is it too soon? I don't know. Help. She has made it 4 months on prednisolone.

Any comments?

Oct 19, 2018
by: Anonymous

Thank you for this post and to all the people who have commented. I have found a lot of comfort here.

In a few hours the vet will come to my home to put down my beloved English Bulldog. She is 11 years old and has dementia. I have been agonizing about this decision for some time.

Every night is so stressful for her. I often have to pull her out of corners and she gets lost under the table frequently. She has always been so friendly, but has become aggressive during these stressful nights, and has bitten me and my other dogs a few times. I know it is because she is frightened during these times.

I keep going back and forth about whether it is time or not. I wish it was more clear.I guess I will never have a perfect answer about this.

She was so stubborn and funny. She was the boss of the house. She helped me get through some very painful times and was constantly by my side. She always has to be touching me in some way. I love her so much and my heart is broken. Right now she is snoring gently next to me and I can't believe that by the end of the day she won't be here.

As I said, this post has been very helpful. Thank you to everyone for sharing.

Aug 23, 2018
My Beloved Jack
by: Mary

My heart goes out to you on having to put your dog to sleep.

On Tuesday of this week after 11.5 years I had to do the same with my beloved dog Jack. He was a sweet American Bulldog. He had testicular cancer and it had quickly spread.

He belonged to other family members originally but for the last seven years he was my best friend. I worked nights and he would get up with me for a little while. I talked to him, sang to him and even danced with him. This was our ritual every night for all of these years.

About 2 weeks ago I came into the kitchen and blood was everywhere. He had been peeing blood. My vet still gave me hope and I put him on medication. After 3 more trips to the vet and animal hospital and having lost a quarter of his body weight the vet told me the best thing I could do is let him go. He was bleeding and starving to death.

I lay cuddled up with him and my daughter was holding his paws and the vet let me know his heart had quit beating. I have not stopped crying for very long since.

I try to remember two weeks prior we danced off and on all day together, we snuggled and I gave him his last bath. Jack will always be one of the greatest loves of my life.

If you are not going to breed your male dog, please have him neutered. Testicular cancer runs very high in dogs that have not been neutered. Like I said he didn’t belong to me officially until he was older and I thought he might not make it through the surgery. It turns out that he would probably still be here with me.

Jul 26, 2018
My thoughts are with you
by: Emmie

I am so sorry for your losses and hope you've since found the strength to carry on without your beloved canine companions.

I found this site by accident while having my nightly anxiety attack, fearing the day I will have to say my final goodbyes to my now 2-year-old retriever/shepherd mix girl. She may be just a baby, but she has become my everything during such a short time. As we continue to grow and learn together, our bond becomes even stronger which will make the final moments so much harder.

Jul 12, 2018
Sweet Pea's day is tomorrow
by: Anonymous

I am heart wrenched about my decision to let my baby Sweet Pea go. She has enlarged heart, fluid on lungs, cancer, and grade 4 heart murmur. She started hacking really bad about 10 days ago. I found this massive lump in her mammary glands. Took her to vet and this is when they discovered all the other stuff. She stopped eating almost 7 days ago other than liver sausage I give her for meds.

She has been a blessing to me and I am going to miss her terribly, it will not be the same without her. I am trying to stay strong so she does not feel what I do. I have waited too long for 3 others, and regretted that so much. I am afraid I may be doing this too soon, but I cannot wait for another one to collapse before doing something.

I know tomorrow I will be a blubbering fool, but it is ok. They are our family, they love us unconditionally, and the least I can do for her now is to let her go peacefully.

She is terrified of the vets office and goes into anxiety mode to where her whole body just shakes. I told them they will have to give her sedative right away, because I cannot bear to see how scared she is. It is going to be hard enough saying goodbye, but I will be with her every step of the way. I have read the comments on here, and my heart goes out to you all.

Jun 10, 2018
by: Anonymous

As I lay here I can hear my beautiful gentle sensitive 4 year old English Mastiff breath. This time tomorrow I will not - we are sending her on the rainbow bridge journey. My heart is ready to rupture from the heartache...

Apr 18, 2018
I’m Sorry
by: Anonymous

I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of you. This decision is so hard, but I believe it is the right one. Aren’t we blessed to have loved and been loved so deeply? Be strong for her.

Dec 08, 2017
Once in a Lifetime
by: Anonymous

I took my beloved granddog Roxie, a 14-year-old Staffordshire Bull Terrier who I adopted from my daughter when she was three, to the vet this morning. She died peacefully. There is a huge hole in my home and heart, and the decision was gut-wrenching and I second guessed it again and again, but I’m glad she’s free.

She had kidney failure and a tumor on her back side that was barely visible two days ago, then baseball-sized and bleeding today.

She was the life of the party! She pretty much destroyed every vase, lamp, and piece of art I ever owned, she ripped up carpet, photos and wooden doors, used her razor like toenails to dive bomb holes in my good sheets, ate whatever she wanted out of the fridge, trash and pantry, and crashed thru a couple of windows to be with her beloved grandmama.

But I loved her dearly. She got the zoomies every time I walked in the door. She looked at me and smiled from ear to ear. She demanded dog biscuits on her schedule. She saw me through the death of my mom, some personal struggles and divorce. She was a once-in-lifetime dog and I may never, ever know such love again, and that’s ok. I kept her here too long. Her quality of life was poor for the past two months.

The vet was kind and compassionate. Her companion - my other dog - is a bit lost and right beside me. We are comforting each other. I’ve cried buckets of tears, but I’m finding comfort in the comments here.

Love and peace to you all.

Nov 24, 2017
by: Anonymous

So sorry for the heartache you are going through. My heart still aches for my beloved dog I lost also. Know that you did all you could and your dear pet loved you and you him!! You're now doing the toughest act of kindness. Time will help you in the future but you have to give time time. Take care.


Nov 24, 2017
Te Amo goes tomorrow
by: Stasia

And like the others, I'm brokenhearted. He is only 10 years old, a gorgeous Border Collie x Goldie, but his kidneys have stopped functioning. This has happened so quickly they think it is cancer.

The reason this has become urgent is that he has refused nearly all food for the past 3 weeks, and has become so very thin that I can feel every bone. The vet said "we can't let him starve himself to death", so tomorrow we say good bye.

This has been too sudden - 2 months ago he seemed perfectly healthy and I thought we had years yet. I love him so much I can't imagine waking up every morning and him not being there.

Nov 14, 2017
Losing my Chloe
by: James

I was asleep one afternoon after work and I awoke with a very small Black Labrador rescue. She wasn’t pure lab but she was as black and had all the features as a classic lab. At that moment Chloe was in my life.

She pulled me through my oldest leaving home going to college, then her sister doing the same (filling my life to a great degree with what I had lost), the death of my mother, the sack of the company I worked for 29 1/2 years, a lawsuit with the owner, unemployment and then finding other work when I thought I was unemployable. She listened very well and to a lot on our long walks.

Fast forward 15 1/2 years later. She has endured and made due with a busted ACL for 19 months. At 14 we felt she was too old for the procedure and going under plus the rehab. She fell (my fault) and has hip dysplasia. I have to carry her 57 pounds down stairs and hold her to squat to pee and poop the last few days. She has the origins of an 8 or 9 year old dog. But just sits around and moves only when she has to.

I took the quality of life quiz and she grades a 33 but 1 in a couple of areas. I have dog lovers that are friends coming over today to observe her and give me their thoughts. But in talking with my wife and reading other posts I know in my heart it is probably time. I am afraid of the sadness and fearful for my sanity after she goes. She taught me so much mainly unconditional love and never have a grudge.

I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and really at 61 do not see how I will be able to handle this.

Chloe, it has been an honor and a privilege being your dad. You gave me so much with so little in return. All I can say is THANK YOU and you will indeed be in my heart always.

Sep 21, 2017
My Girl Scout
by: Elizabeth

Thank you all for your stories, experiences and words. I found this page as I'm struggling with the thought of saying goodbye to my girl, a beautiful 11.4 year old Saint Bernard. It is just really comforting to know there are others out there struggling as much as me. It's definitely the hardest decision to make, but only we know what's best for our pets.

Sep 12, 2017
by: Pauline

I had my 12yr old border collie put to sleep last night - she had a massive liver tumour. I know we have done the right thing but it's so hard emotionally.

I feel for everyone on here, I still have her mum who is nearly 15yr, I am sure in time we will all have good memories of our beloved pets.

Sep 08, 2017
by: Alicia

I know this thread is a little bit old but I know someone out there will be coming across the page just like I did!

I rescued Bella would she was about four years old. She had come from a puppy mill but she was such a beautiful dog and I loved her so much.

Being my first pair I knew she had a heart murmur but when she started the laboured breathing and the obvious signs of distress, they put her on medication but she wasn't really improving. I often wonder if I made the right decision, if I should've just tried to see the specialist or more medication less exercise.

It's been almost 2 months and I still feel extremely guilty. I cried so hard reading this article because I know exactly how you feel. And unless you lose a pet people say that so sad I'm so sorry but once it happens to you, you truly understand the guilt, remorse and absolute devastation that soon overcomes your feelings.

Aug 08, 2017
Blue, my best friend
by: Anonymous

I have an appointment tomorrow at 2 pm to put my best friend and companion to sleep. Her name is Blue, she is 14 years old, and has cancer.

I love her so much, and cannot stop crying, and Blue tries to comfort me, as she has always done. I am trying so hard to be strong for her, but am failing miserably. I keep doubting my decision, but know in my heart that it's the right and kindest thing to do. But as I watch her sleeping, she looks just as she always has, she still has an appetite, and today she has had as many treats as she has wanted.

She finds it really difficult to walk, as she also has arthritis. The vet agreed on my decision, so tomorrow I will say goodbye, I will be by her side as she slips away, as she has been there for me always.

Love you Blue. xx

Jul 17, 2017
The hardest decision
by: Sandy

It is one of the hardest decisions a pet owner has to make, but often one of the most merciful. I had to let my girl go in January and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Treasure your memories and pictures, my heart goes out to you during this trying time.

Jul 14, 2017
I know how you're feeling
by: Anonymous

Hang in there. I am faced with this decision with my pug and it is one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through.

May 11, 2017
by: Anonymous

My golden retriever Harley, 10 yrs old, was diagnosed with lymphoma just over two months ago. He's on prednisone which worked up until last Friday night. He can't even get up now, won't eat anything.

I scheduled an appointment yesterday for the vet to come to my house to put him to sleep tomorrow.

I'm dying inside. It's terrible to see him like this. My heart is breaking, I love him so much.

Apr 09, 2017
They need the strength of our LOVE to let them go!
by: Lyn

On 11 September 2015 I said goodbye to my little 'joy boy', my most precious Ko-Ko. He was only 7-1/2 years old. He suffered dreadful bouts of I.B.D and other issues.

My Vet wanted to continue to try other medical interventions but Ko-Ko just started to fade away. I could not bear to have him suffer and when he'd whine a little I was so anxious that he was in pain.

He was filled with such joy toward life and everyone he met and we shared a language that those who are close to their dogs can understand. He spoke through his eyes and beautiful 'smile'.

The Vet said he still had a way to go, but I knew this meant having more tests and drugs and potions and he had had enough of them. So, I held him in my arms as he was put to sleep and that memory still tears me apart but there is no guilt attached to my grieving. It was the hardest of decisions but the right one for him. He would have kept on just for me until his last breath, but I loved him too much for that to happen.

LOVE gives us the courage to say "goodbye" and not fail them when their time comes and LOVE keeps them alive in our memories.


Mar 21, 2017
by: Anonymous

Dear Joanne,

I feel your pain for I lost my best friend through cancer also - lung cancer. Your love for Benni is very evident in your letter.

Bless you and take heart in knowing you gave him a home and much love. Sorry for your heartache.

Mar 16, 2017
Putting my little man down today
by: Emma

I love reading these comments.

My dad and I are putting down our 5 year old Boston today. He has had congestive heart failure, diagnosed at 2. He had 3 very strong years with us that I will forever be thankful for.

As much as I think I'm prepared for this later on today, I know my heart will break a little more. But I am at peace knowing we did all that we could. He is truly amazing. I love that dogs live in the moment, not the past and not the future. Today I am bringing him a cheeseburger to enjoy for his last meal and I plan on staying with him his entire time left on this earth.

I am so sorry for anyone going through this heartbreak. It's the most heartbreak I have felt in a long time but knowing if he could he would stay with us forever.

RIP Brody 1/11/11 - 3/16/2017

Feb 06, 2017
My Aja had mast cell cancer
by: Sandy

I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put my precious boxer down 1/10/2017 after a long battle with cancer.

She was just 7 years old and two days prior she had uncontrollable vomiting and would not eat anything, but was very thirsty. Even the water if it wasn't in small amounts would make her vomit. She was behaving in a way that just wasn't her and I did not want to make her suffer anymore.

The procedure was very peaceful and in my heart I know I made the merciful decision, but I miss her terribly and her absence was so profound in my home. I know one day I will see her again. I am glad I am not alone in my feelings, I am so sad that we have to lose our pets this way.

Feb 01, 2017
Family Dog
by: Memories

I stumbled across this site by accident. I'm in my early twenties and the family dog is almost 15 years old. Tomorrow she will be euthanized at 10:00 am and I am absolutely distraught.

When I look at my dog i see a reflection of myself. I was nine when our family adopted her and whenever I have had a bad day I could always rely on my dog to cheer me up.

Reading through previous messages have brought me some comfort knowing that other people are going through the same. Ultimately I know it's the best option given her condition. I guess there were times that I took it all for granted, thought things would last forever.

Even though my dog will not last forever, the thousands of cherished memories sure will.

Jan 22, 2017
Thanks for this post
by: Lea

I just had my dog euthanized today at 5 pm. I am in such despair.

I adopted her from the pound about 11 years ago, she was 4 then. 15 and still beautiful but the last 2 months she couldn't move without help. I googled and this came up... I just don't want to feel alone.

Love to everyone out there in this situation. I hope my girl finds your friends at the Rainbow Bridge.


Aug 02, 2016
My Big Leo has asked me for mercy
by: Gerry

After 5 doctors and countless exams, it's clear that Leo (my Shiloh Shepherd) who has cancer is in real constant pain and no matter how many painkillers I give him and how much I massage his back, his legs and his neck and head, he looks up at me and with those eyes, and says "please make it go away".

My heart is breaking , Leo is my best and dearest friend. For 10 years we have gone everywhere together. We watched TV together, shared burgers, swam and even sun bathed together.

It has taken me 30 minutes to write these few lines and I really don't know what I will be like tomorrow. I have to be there for him as I could never let him journey alone or without me there to hold him and feel his warmth.

Leo has gone from 160 lbs to 92 lbs in 6 months and three weeks ago he was 110, last week 100.5, and then today 92. At his peak we would get comments of "he is so majestic", "he really is always listening to you", "what an amazing big man"...

I love him, I love him so much I cant let him keep hurting. Watching him gasp for air is so painful. Tomorrow when I put him in my truck I just can't think that it will be for the last time. He's my everything and we always are so happy to see each other. He is sitting by me now and even with his troubled breathing takes a second to gently lick my ankle like he wants to calm me.

I can never forget you, Leo. You will always be in my heart and it will never heal until we meet again. I know you are going to a great place and just hope that you will greet me there when it's my time. That would be heaven for me.

To all of you - Thanks for the other comments you have written in. As I read them, I see how others who have to make this horrible decision.

My thoughts go out to you. Please say a small prayer for my Leo.

Aug 01, 2016
I Too Fear Putting Down My Dog
by: Sallie

While I know it's best for him, the idea of putting down my 12 y.o. Basset Hound is killing me. I, too, cry most of the time while I read of other loving stories like the ones below.

Noah is in pain getting up and down, in spite of the pain meds I give him. He is losing weigh (he is down from 80 lbs to 60--five of which he lost in a month). (FYI, he was never fat, just very muscular, very long and very fit.) But the years are catching up to him. He can't do well walking and I've noticed his legs giving out when we take very short walks. He is eating well but he has 5 or 6 BM's each day. He pants heavily most of the time and just doesn't have his old spirit. He is shedding uncontrollably and I can easily fill a pillowcase with hair after using the furminator. I know the day is coming. Actually the vet thought about putting him down a month ago, but he could tell I wasn't ready. Hence, he did some senior blood work to check his liver and kidneys. Ironically, all of his counts were fine, except that he was slightly anemic.

I have been asking myself why God would create such loving animals only to take them away so soon. My boy has been by me when I lost both of my parents, my house burnt down, my daughter had a baby and 3 weeks later was diagnosed with very aggressive leukemia, and I had major stomach surgery after a suspicion of pancreatic cancer (which fortunately it wasn't.) He's always there and all he wants is an occasional "pupperoni" or treat.

Jun 15, 2016
The Greatest Gift of Kindness for a Friend
by: Anonymous

Hello. I feel your pain about euthanizing your precious dog tomorrow.

My beautiful Kelpie is being put to sleep tomorrow here at home, where she will be buried.

I have cried buckets because this seems so cut and dried and I so want her to just slip quietly off in her sleep tonight.
All I know which may comfort you is that you are making the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of your furry friend. Of course you don't want him to leave, but if he is suffering as my dog IS, then you are doing your dog a great justice.

None of us wants to lose our friends and there will NEVER be a right time.

He will just drift into eternal sleep and he may even come and visit you to thank you after he has gone.

This happened to a beloved young shepherd we lost in tragic circumstances. Four members of our family saw him run across in front of us, bonny and healthy again.

Jun 14, 2016
by: Lorrie

My dog Jazzy has mouth cancer and I'm just trying to figure when is the best time too.

She wags her tail, eats great, and wants her treats. I have to puree all her food and treats. She has a hard time breathing at night but does fine in the day. I give her pain medication too.

How do I let her go when she seems so happy? Her mouth is getting bigger from the tumor so while I'm writing this, I guess I'm answering my own question. It's just so sad. I cry every day for her.

Does it get better after it's done?

Jun 07, 2016
My heart hurts so much
by: John

It has been so helpful and also difficult to read these posts. I just euthanized my dog today due to a long battle with cancer. I'm just sitting here in shock unsure what to do.

I love him so much and miss him. I'm also happy that he's at peace. His name was Copper, and he was and will continue to be my best friend.

Mar 30, 2016
How Can I Do This
by: Cindy

As I sit here by her side, my dog Rikki is breathing hard, fast. She is going to sleep tomorrow at 9am. She is 14 1/2 years old and has cancer.

She just started getting sick 2 months ago to now this. I noticed she was losing a little weight, but even as a Beagle, she was always a picky eater. I didn't notice any change in her eating habits. I did notice that she was constantly thirsty and constantly urinating, even having a couple of accidents in the house. I took her to the vet thinking diabetes, left the vet with a dog having cancer and weeks to live.

I have spoiled her since then (who am I kidding, I always spoiled her), by giving her boiled chicken, hamburgers, anything she wanted. Today, she won't eat anything, sleeping all day, rapid breathing and I know I made the right decision.

Rikki was a gift from my children, giving her to me a year after losing my daughter. They knew she would force me out of bed and perhaps help with the deep depression I was in. I know some might be wondering how this could be harder than losing a daughter, but it is in a totally different way. I cannot watch my dog's final breaths. Call me a coward, I guess I am. I want to remember them alive. My husband will stay with her.

I have been crying for weeks off and on. All day today and weeks to come. I will miss my dear dog, I still miss and cry for my other two. I have one Beagle, Holly, and I worry how she will handle Rikki not being here anymore. I don't think I can own any more dog's. It just hurts so much to lose them.

Mar 06, 2016
Saying good-bye
by: Ann

God bless you Joanne, I know your pain, I had to do the same when my beloved beagle got lung cancer. You are doing the kindest thing for him right now I think by stopping his pain. There's nothing easy about it, in fact I think it's one of the hardest things to do when you love your pet so much. Only time will heal you. But at least he won't have to suffer as much as some humans. God speed!!!

Feb 29, 2016
by: Bree

I have to put my dog Chloe down in 2 days at 8:30 am.

Chloe is my beautiful loveable 12 year old Pitt beagle mix. She was diagnosed with nasal cancer a month and a half ago and has progressed negatively fast.

Chloe has been there for me through everything the past 11 1/2 years. A horrible 8 year break up and every other up and down. Every success and downfall my girl was there no matter what. And I was always there for her. Every time she was sick, every birthday of hers we celebrated, when she had surgery I never left her side.

I am scared, deeply depressed, and sad. How can I drive my baby, hold her in my arms on the way to the vet knowing I am driving there to put her down. Knowing I am never going to see her again. I can't focus in class; it's just dawning on me and constantly on my mind that in exactly 2 days, I will never see my dog again. I'll come home and never see her face, I'll wake up every morning and she won't be there next to me, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and there will be no Chloe to recover with her blanket. I can't stop crying and it hurts. I am a nervous scared and sad wreck for Thursday morning and I don't know how I can do it.

Can anyone tell me how they found the boldness to do this?

Apr 03, 2015
Losing my little girl
by: Richard Busche

The heartache and guilt I feel is almost overwhelming, my beloved Missy is going to be put down.

Missy would have turned 15 in June of this year and in the last year her health started declining rapidly to a point where she has no desire to go for walks, she doesn't eat or drink of late and now she has lost control of her bodily functions.

At her last visit to her doctor it was discovered she had an enlarged heart which explained her breathing problems and I noticed that of late when she's in bed with me, she cuddles close to me as if to say, "Daddy I don't feel good" and when I look into her eyes, I know she's telling me "Help me" and I can't. All I can do is pet her and reassure her that I love her just as she has loved me her entire life.

God how can I do this to the little girl I have protected and cared for all these years? How am I going to live knowing I took her life? I can only hope when she gets to heaven, she will realize I did it to prevent her from suffering anymore.

Please forgive me Missy.

Sep 13, 2012
Hard to say good-bye!!!
by: Ann

Dear Joanne,

I just read about the ordeal you and Benni went through. Oh boy!!!

I think Scott said it best. I had to do the same for my beautiful beagle I rescued and had for 9 yrs. He was an exceptional dog and loved me like there was no tomorrow. My vet said he had lung cancer and showed me the x-ray. His breathing was fast but I thought he had the flu or something similar. I wanted to keep him longer but it would have been at his expense (the stress and pain of treatment) and my emotional stress of having to watch him suffer. His vet also said it would have been very hard on him. They hide their pain but I could see it in his eyes and in his lack of appetite. When he didn't look forward to his walk I knew it was serious. I had to let him go and prevent further suffering. I wasn't as brave as you though I couldn't stay when it was done. I said my goodbyes and my husband stayed. I was in shock a long time.

That was a little over 8 months ago and there are still days when it feels like yesterday. He was about 13 or 14 we estimate. Your letter sounds just like me and how I felt. I questioned my decision also and felt like I betrayed him.

Mourn for him Joanne and know you did the right thing and time will take away your pain a little every day as it's doing with mine.

Best regards to you and stay strong.


Sep 12, 2012
Thank you
by: Joanne

Dear Susan, Patricia and Scott,

Thank you for your kind comments. It's so nice to hear from people who share my pain.

Today was one of the hardest days of my life. I took Benni to the vet, after having given him some anti-anxiety pills to calm him.

Earlier in the day, my sister had gone over and discussed Benni's situation with the vet at length. At the end of their long conversation, she was convinced we were doing the right thing for our best friend.

I stayed with Benni until the general anesthesia was applied. He slid down onto the table, motionless, with eyes open but unblinking. I took a minute to say my goodbyes. The vet then asked me to leave the room while he completed the procedure, so as to spare me further mental turmoil.

We took Benni's body and buried it in one corner of the plot of land my sister is constructing her new home on. The view is magnificent, and I take comfort in the thought that Benni will be part of her garden some day.

I honestly feel shock at the moment. I can still hardly believe it. He had one of his good days today. He was energetic and greeted incomers with a wagging tail. He panted, but not as heavily. He slept through the night last night. For his last meal, we fed him two large steaks cooked medium-rare. He downed them in record time. His condition today made me question my decision. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop questioning it.

When I got back home, I was still expecting him to greet me at the door, and the sight of his brush and food & water bowls made me cry. I can't seem to stop crying. I know I will always live with some guilt and doubt.

The one thing that I will never doubt, however, is my love for Benni. He truly was a wonderful dog, and he enriched my life in countless ways. I am going to miss him so very much. I've had him since I was 10 years old. That's most of my life. I'll miss his velvet ears and his doggy kisses. I hope, with all of my heart, that I've done what was best for him. If not, I hope he forgives me, and understands the circumstances that lead to this decision.

Sep 12, 2012
by: Susan

I agree with Scott L. Having just said goodbye to my sweet Amelia, due to her oral cancer, I understand the pain of making the decision to make that call to the vet. We had a home visit from a service in the county we live in. I hated the thought of taking her to the pet hospital where she would be scared. Ultimately, the Dr. said I did the right thing that day. I knew my girl's prognosis was poor, and there was no way that I could justify putting her through a cruel and devastating surgery with follow up treatment, only to have her exist perhaps 8 more months. Amelia would have never understood why she'd been subjected to such misery.

Do the right thing and kiss your pet farewell. Know that in your heart, it's the right thing to do. You did your best. You loved your pet. In time, you will heal.

Sep 12, 2012
by: Patricia

Bless yours and Benni's hearts! I just read about your terrible situation, and I am heartbroken for y'all.

I know exactly what you are going through. I have been where you are tonight. I think if you are able to find a specialist such as a veterinarian college, if you are able to take him there. You could find the closest one and give them a call and see what they could do for him. They are able to do more than just regular vets.

We used one for our precious Labrador Kolbi and they couldn't really help him much but they did all they could for us. He had a tumor on his little heart and they could not operate but for 3 and a half months we give him meds they put him on and we took him there about 1-2 times a week for fluid removal from his chest. That gave us a little more time with him. We had to put him to sleep in April and we were still not ready to let him go but we knew we had done everything that could possibly be done for him. We live in Alabama so we used Mississippi State University, and they euthanized him for us and cremated him so we could bring him back home with us forever. If there is anything they can do for him, they will. If they tell you that it is best for him to put him to sleep, then you will know without a doubt that you have done everything possible for him.

I hope you are able to get in contact with a Vet School because they have state of the art equipment and everything to do all they can for Benni.

I am praying for you and Benni. If there is anything else I can do to help you, even if it is just someone to talk to about this, I will be happy to. It helps to talk to someone who knows how you are feeling. You can E-mail me if you want to. My E-mail address is patsytennyson@yahoo.com.

Please let me know how this turns out because I really care. Give him all the love you can for as long as you have him with you! I am so sorry!

Sep 12, 2012
The toughest thing
by: Scott L

It is very natural to be scared, as a human, you can rationalize. This makes it harder because we know.

You mentioned that he is 14 years old. He is at the end of his life. We all want to live forever - but we will not. If he is suffering to get through each day, it is a humane way out for him. I think you should be strong and do this for him, but I do feel for you. I had to go through this as well.

The hardest part of the whole end of life issue when you have had a pet for that long - is the heartache afterwards. It will heal over eventually leaving a scar that never goes away completely. But this is life.

Don't make him suffer. Send him ahead. He will wait to be with you again.

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