Just Lost My Second Dog
I was around here about a year ago, because I had just lost one of my two dogs to some unknown, unexpected event. Here's the thread - Dog Dealing with Malignant Melanoma.
Well I just lost her sister today, the one mentioned in the thread above who had cancer. Although, she did not die of the cancer mentioned.
Apparently she had an unrelated tumor grow on her spleen which ruptured. This is what the ER vet thinks happened.
This just happened yesterday morning at 1 a.m. ET so I'm still pretty upset about it but part of me coping is telling the story and talking it out. I've done enough crying over the past 2 days to last a lifetime.
Diamond was fine when I went to bed Sunday night. I went to bed probably around 11pm and she was right there next to me in her bed on the floor. She woke myself and my wife up around 1 a.m. breathing short and fast. It was not a pant, it was clearly a problem. I immediately panicked because I started having flashbacks to when I lost my first (Ruby, mentioned in the thread above).
Of course, it's a blizzard out, and nothing plowed, and on good weather it takes 15 mins to get to an ER vet that's open. I sat in the back seat with her all the way there, and she was alive, hanging in there. I told her I loved her and to just keep holding on. Meanwhile I'm in full panic mode, can't breathe, etc. We got her to the vet, and after getting her in the room, a couple minutes later they came out and told me that her heart stopped and asked if i wanted them to do CPR. I said UH YES! What kind of stupid question is that?
So they went back in, and 2 minutes later the doctor came out and said that she has a lot of fluid in her belly and they think she had a tumor rupture on her spleen, and there's no hope, that even if they got her heart beating again, she won't make it. So i opted to let her go. I was devastated.
Later in the day I talked to the oncologist who said that it had nothing to do with the other cancer that she was diagnosed with. This was just something else, that is very hard to catch during exams unless you're looking for it with an ultrasound. And there was never a reason to have an ultrasound on her.
When I lost my first, I took some solace in knowing I had my other baby, and now I am left with nothing and I feel so empty. I feel like getting another would be 'cheating' on them, and I'm just not sure I can deal with the grief of losing another dog in my life. Maybe I'll think differently in a few years but right now I just don't know how I'm going to ever get over this.
These were my first dogs that I got once I moved out of my mom's. I paid for everything, their food, care, health costs, etc. I loved them every day. They were there every day when I came home from work and seeing me off every morning. Today's the first day I had to get up and she wasn't there. It is so hard to accept.
It makes me question everything about life. We are destined to lose everything we love, and then we will also die. So what is the point of loving anything? It really makes you want to build walls. I am just hurt. I miss my kids...they were like my children. I want them back.
I believe that having caught that malignant tumor very early (as mentioned in the thread above), I was able to cure her of that cancer. We acted very fast, and I threw the money at it, had aggressive surgery, and good margins after the surgery. She also had a lymph node removed and there was no spread of the cancer. And, she never showed any signs of it all year, and I had regular checkups. I kept her on the melanoma vaccine and that was it after the surgery. Cost me probably 10,000 last year, but I wouldn't take it back. It probably gave me another 6-9 months with her.
And, she died of something else. If I could have saved her from this I would have spent the money.
I am thankful I got to spend the last moments of their lives with both of them, and tell them that I loved them before they died. It helps knowing that. I just really hope they are waiting for us in death. I so look forward to seeing them again one day.